Dating: Starting Over

After a day of work, chauffeuring the car pool, cleaning her kids room, doing the laundry, making dinner, preparing lunch for the next day, arranging this weeks play-dates, and reading her kids a bedtime story, my single mom girlfriend DeeDee just can’t face going out on a date. Besides being too tired, not to mention the cost of a babysitter, she can’t imagine this guy who she’s been set up with is worth it. She’s been telling all her friends that she wants to meet someone and that she’s tired of being alone, but when it’s time for the date, DeeDee’s not up for it.

BOTTOM LINE

Life is overwhelming as a single parent and time is a premium with little energy to spare. Who knows if the person you’re about to date is going to remind you of the anger and pain of the previous relationship? I know when I’ve been alone for awhile I have a hard time getting back into the dating game. Anyway I have a child and all the unconditional love I ever thought possible. Isn’t that enough? Besides I’m not sure how my son will react ? Oh, that’s a lie. He’s always been exposed to my social life, which has always had many wonderful men friends in it. Having a new man drop by to pick me up should cause him no concern. One of my single-mom girlfriends thinks she’s shy to romance because she feels physically out of shape and has lost her sense of style. I can identify. I caught a glimpse of myself the other day and wondered who the frumpy woman in the mirror was staring at me until I realized it was moi. I guess anything can be an excuse. Dating for most people is filled with insecurity and doubt and for someone who’s been out of practice it’s magnified. I’m a firm believer in solutions instead of excuses. I always tell my son, Sam, find solutions to troubles and fears. When I take my own advice I remember that it doesn’t have to be a big deal. We single moms have to take care of ourselves and get out. It’s important to simplify our lives and make the time. Since single moms are pretty daring and courageous, going on a date is a small risk compared to everything else we’re facing. Take the pressure off by starting out casually with a meeting somewhere neutral like a coffee house. If you haven’t been dating in awhile it’s okay to let your date know that you’re a “virgin” dater. Think of dating as practice for a good relationship and find humor in your new found adolescence.

REASONS IT’S GOOD TO DATE

Your child cannot be your life partner. You don’t want to be too emeshed with your son or daughter.

Be a role model for your child. Let them see you being an adult with a social life.

Going on line and entering chat rooms is good way to start the dating conversation. You can practice exchanging information, flirting and even meet someone.

You might find out that the kind of man you used to go out with is no longer attractive to you and you’re taste has gotten better.

If you get into shape and your dating experience doesn’t pay off, at least you’ll feel better and like yourself more.

Finally, if your not ready to date, then you probably shouldn’t. Maybe this is time to get into a better relationship with yourself.

SPECIAL INFORMATION – WHERE THE BOYS ARE:

Baseball Games, Sailing, Bike Rides, The Sierra Club, Wine Tasting Classes, Cooking Classes, The Zoo, Cruises, Dances, Parents Without Partners, Churches, Temples, Going back to School, Horseback Riding, Golf, Going On Line, Personals, Auto Racing, Singles Events, Ask Friends