Depending on Child Care Providers
Julie, my single mom girlfriend, just called in a panic because her baby-sitter didn’t show up this morning. I know the feeling well. I can remember many Monday morning’s pacing in the driveway waiting for the “nanny” to arrive. Single moms really depend on their child care providers. Not only to go to work and get chores done, but to get away and clear our heads. We single mom’s need a break, a chance to take a walk, go to the gym, sit in a cafe, browse in a bookstore.
THE BOTTOM LINE
All working moms have to worry about child care, but single moms face an even more intense challenge because there isn’t anyone to back them up. In a two parent family one of the parents can always be there. I have vivid memories of not having any support when my son, Sam was an infant and I needed just an hour to get out to clear my head. I didn’t have the luxury of a partner to give me the time to get away. My girlfriends who had a partner used to marvel at how I was able to be the sole parent. I just never knew another way, but I knew I needed help to be a single parent and chose live-in help for my child care. It allowed me to have sense of independence and give Sam individual attention at home. Even though I was fortunate enough to afford this solution it was one of the most complicated and frustrating areas I had to contend with as a single parent. It was a time consuming obligation to find, train and integrate a “nanny” into our family life. I believe I had over a dozen different women live-in as part of our family. It’s a wonder Sam doesn’t speak several different languages fluently and it’s a greater wonder I survived the revolving door of care takers.
OPTIONS
Although I haven’t had an au pair in my home, I’ve heard from some of my single mom girlfriends that this cultural exchange really works for them. They have somone in their home that is part of the family for one year. If you have the room, it’s relatively inexpensive in exchange for up to forty-five hours of live-in child care epr week. It this works for you make sure you are going through a government approved organization.
If you are hiring a live-in you are required to report and withhold taxes and they should be legal immigrants or citizens. When hiring use a work with a licensed agent who has been recommended. Make sure you know everything you can about your “nanny”. Don’t be shy to ask lots of questions and be less concerned if they have good cleaning skills. It is generally affordable and it
I found that one of the best solutions for child care has been my other single mom firends. They have come through for me many times when I needed someone to watch Sam and in return I helped them with their child. I’ve enjoyed hosting many Saturday night sleep-overs so my friend’s could get a break. When I needed it, they’ve been there for me.
If you’ re hiring a nanny or a baby-sitter have a list of questions and make sure they know CPR, first aid and how they handle an emergency. Question them on how they discipline, temper tantrums, back talk and what their philosophy on child rearing is. Make sure you get their employment history and check out why they have gaps in it. Make sure you get and call their references. Introduce your child to the person once you think they have potential. When I was interested in someone on a long-term basis I would ask them to work at my home for a half day while I was at home. I’d step in and out of the house to see how they were doing, That way I’d get a sense about their style and how them interacted with Sam.
Be aware of child’s behavior. If he seems unhappy or difficult make sure that there isn’t something more than separation anxiety. Check to make sure your child doesn’t have unusual bruises. Ask lots of questions. It’s okay to sound compulsive and neurotic about this subject. Make sure you can be reached by all the new convenient means of communication. Invest in a pager for you caretaker so they can be reached if they go out. I got a two for one deal on a cel phone and when I go out I give my second phone to the baby-sitter to use when she’s off to Little League games or chauffeuring Sam around to his activities.
It’s understandable that you can resent how dependent you are on the “nanny” or baby-sitter, but remember this is another woman who is often overworked and underpaid – just like a real mom. Best rule – be nice and patient.