Provider Blues
Since I’ve been a single parent from the get go I’ve always been financially responsible for my family. Maybe this is easier, since I haven’t experienced the loss of financial security. When I was a single career woman I always felt I could take care of myself just fine. By taking on the demands of parenting a child on my own that confidence went out the window. Now I constantly worry whether or not I can provide.
BOTTOM LINE
Most single moms are also providers for their families. If you’re new to the single parent life this is one of the tough challenges. The fear of not having enough money is brutal. But even single moms who have money are insecure. They worry about the future and what if something happens and they can’t earn enough. If you face the facts of finance you won’t be paralyzed by the fear. For weeks I was trying to figure out how I was going to get through a financially difficult time. I was crunching numbers in my head and it kept me tossing and turning all night. Finally I sat down and made a list of all my expenses and then all my assets. Seeing the reality of my financial life was the beginning of getting it under control. Although I was the provider for my family, I was still very immature about money. By not knowing what was going on I was able to avoid being responsible. Once I realized I was spending more than I was earning I had to face the fact I had to downsize my lifestyle. This was not a happy realization. I didn’t want to feel deprived. How did it get to this? Then it occurred to me that since I was home with my infant son, Sam, I wasn’t the driven career woman I used to be and my income had decreased. Instead I was working part-time and freelancing. My priorities had changed and so my lifestyle had to change. This is true for most single moms, divorced, widowed or by choice. Don’t live beyond your means. Accepting life on life’s terms is humbling, but once you’re there you can look for solutions to your financial concerns. It may mean you don’t go on vacation this year, or buy a new car, or go out to dinner as often. Some single mom’s feel more disadvantaged than others. It’s all relative. One of my single mom girlfriends, Elly was divorced from a very rich entertainer. She lived in Brentwood, California. In fact OJ Simpson was her neighbor. Her million dollar lifestyle was reduced to alimony and child support at $20,000K a month. Mind you she was freaked out while I actually lived on less than that, one year during my “poor” period. Eventually Elly started accepting the reality and doing something she’d never done before – taking responsibility for her financial life. She downsized too and got a job as well. Today, she has a thriving real estate business and earns more than her ex. Many of my single mom girlfriends kept telling me that one day when my son was in school I’d have plenty of time to return to my career and build up my resources again. They were right. Just after Ethan went to kindergarten, I found more time and energy to work extra hours without jeopardizing his best interests. I found a business consultant to help me with my financial situation and I have a good retirement fund and a college fund for Sam.
What Money Means
You don’t need a lot of money to provide security for your child. If you worry about money constantly, your kids will.
If you’re always in a struggle with debt than you might have some emotional problems that manifest themselves through your spending habits. Get some help with this issue.
If you feel you are worthy of feeling secure financially, you will find your way there.
You need to solve your financial problem. Someone else won’t.
Even if you are getting child-support don’t depend on it to cover your expenses.
Use credit wisely and don’t get stuck with late fees and juggling bills to keep up the minimum monthly payments on your credit card
Balance your budget. Get enough cash for the week and then don’t go to the cash machine.
Be resourceful. Don’t be afraid to try the old fashioned way, clipping coupons, looking for two for one deals, shop at wholesale outlets, find ways to earn extra income from your home.