Sex and the Single Mom
Recently my single mom girlfriend Penny called to tell me she met someone who has her feeling things she never thought she’d ever feel again. She keeps picturing herself lying in his arms and wanting more. The last time she felt this way was before her 5-year-old was born. There’s lust in her life and she’s concerned about how to balance her own personal needs with being a good mom.
BOTTOM LINE
First of all, single moms deserve a sex life just like other women. Let’s not forget you’re a woman as well as someone’s mother. I believe that having intimate relations can generate a more harmonious family life. I’m not suggesting that you allow passion to rule without some caution, but don’t deny your right to feel desirable and worthy. I think it’s actually dangerous for a person to feel unfulfilled. This doesn’t mean you should go to the local bar and pick up some stranger. It means you should be aware of your personal feelings and look for a sense of balance. Sometimes this means realizing that you need to take better care of yourself and treat yourself to something that satisfies your pleasure and comfort. It could mean having a massage, or having a luxurious candle lit bubble bath or taking yourself on a date to the theater or a concert,. If you are ready to have a lover you should use discretion, good judgment and keep your sex life separate from your child. I’ve been pretty careful about keeping mine a private affair. I’ve used the word private to explain personal time and consideration to my son, Sam. I try to respect his need for this courtesy as he begins to want his “privacy”. (These days he doesn’t want me in the bathroom when he’s naked, but it’s still okay for me to enter once he’s in the bath.) I wouldn’t expose Sam to a situation that might cause him anxiety and confusion. When he was an infant I did have a lover, who would come over after he was asleep. It was easy to keep this intimacy from my son back then and of course this handsome younger man was fun, but he wasn’t a keeper. I never had to deal with the issue of introducing him to my family life. Bringing someone home, now that Sam is 8, isn’t an option unless the relationship becomes much more significant. Just remember the rule for sex and the single mom is pretty simple, it’s best to share intimate time with someone away from your child. That means staying at their place, or at a hotel, or planning to be together at your place when your child isn’t home. Kids need to feel safe and assured that they’re not losing their mom and that they are. It takes planning and consideration. And always practice safe sex And. Remember you are someone’s mom.
CONSIDER THIS:
Try arranging romantic occasions at home when you child is staying overnight at a friends or at Dad’s.
If passion gets the best of, make sure your lover is gone by the morning or else have him sleep where you would put overnight guests.
Have all your sex toys and birth control devices in a gym bag, which you can keep in the trunk of your car.
Take a change of clothes if you’re staying out overnight.
Be prepared with answer to the questions your child might have about your sex life. Be open but sensible about it.
Don’t refer to an overnight guest as “uncle”
Sometimes a hug, or a back rub or a creative outlet can be more beneficial that a sex partner.